Greetings Universe Friends,
Welcome back, if this is your first visit to my blog welcome and you may want to read Pt1 of this blog series. If your returning after reading Pt1 thank you for the love and for making the time to come back for part two.
Let's recap a little; life will keep changing and the last 10 years have had its ups and downs! I was diagnosed with BURT aka Fibromyalgia for those that are thinking what is that, allow me to enlighten you a little bit!
BURT aka Fibromyalgia is a condition that causes widespread pain and extreme tiredness. While the symptoms of Fibromyalgia vary from person to person most #fibrowarriors
I know have a variation of the following symptoms, chronic muscle pain, fatigue, sleep problems, and pain full tender points or trigger points. We also live with, pretty much 24hrs of pain in varying degrees. For example my pain is incredibly high during the winter months and eases off from late spring to late autumn.
A question you might being thinking "Why is this even important?"
My life was on pause! I was living in a spiral of groundhog days, that stopped me from living my life. But that's not the important bit! I share this with you because when you live with any chronic illness, you fight for your wellness, you fight to live everyday and without knowing you can change into a person you don't even recognise. Also many people have no idea about the amount of people who live with this condition... anyway I digress...
The bigger point here, is we should never assume that people are just ok, because they don't complain or they don't speak up often about their struggles.
The level of growth and healing that I have managed to accomplish in these last 10 years has surprised many people, who were never expecting that level of growth from me... needless to say many of those people are no longer my people.
Like I said in part 1, "Time has been my friend and companion" you see whilst living on pause, it was becoming more apparent to me that the physical pain I was feeling all day everyday had a lot to do with (TRIGGER WARNING) childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence and years of emotional and psychological abuse. At that time in my journey I had no real tangible inner-standing of what I needed, who I was or where I was going in life.
I was living everyday in Survival Mode, before I knew what that was... Yes I had therapy, but the shame I felt, kept me from being honest about my suffering both present and past at that time(I'm a completely different being now). I concede that for several years as I was being broken open spiritually, I tried to block out and push back the need for healing in all shapes and forms. This came from my ego and my inability to accept that certain things in my life had taken place... However the Universe, God, Source, Angels and Ancestors had other plans and ideas!
Remember I said in part 1 Harmony over Balance, well it was all about balance back then and it was not working... I had to change my life! The change I needed and wanted seemed so far away from me that while I was angry at God, Source etc...I overlooked the deeper issue, what was I teaching my two young kings? Living on pause was bigger than just me, it would impact their future and it did.
I woke up one day, just before my youngest son's 1st birthday and realised that if I didn't leave, I wasn't going to live! Mixed in with all that emotional confusion was my Higher Self calling to me and telling me "you will survive this and your testimony will be your gift in the future".
What did this mean?
At that time I didn't know! But within my darkness, within grieving for the person who I was, I saw the opportunity to take my life back from everyone and everything that caused me suffering! The first thing I found was a Life Philosophy, I began chanting "Nam Myoho Renge Kyo (Nam= devote or dedicate oneself, Myo= mystic or wonderful, Ho= law Renge= lotus, Kyo= sutra)" and in doing so I found courage, compassion, wisdom and love for myself and others. I began to break free from conformity and started to dance to the beat of my own drum.
I went back to therapy for the third time and this time I told my therapist every single thing that had happened to me from childhood to the present days I was living in.
I knew that fear of being judged kept me trapped in a cycle of negative thinking, negative habits, plus limiting beliefs, and in order to begin any healing process I had to speak my truth.
Psychological abuse takes years to undo and it's not just something that happens in personal relationships. It can take place in a variety of environments such as work, school, higher education institutes, religious groups etc, and it can completely break you down (check www.safelives.org.uk for a brief definition of the term, or for advice and guidance).
So I spoke my "Truth" facts over fiction, I told my family about my years of suffering and fake smiling etc. I accepted that I would be judged by those who lacked the capacity to hold any accountability for their behaviour. I prepared myself for the backlash that would head my way because I wanted to live a life that I desired and not a life of trauma and abuse, (Ladies and Gentlemen ask for help to speak your truth, you are worthy, you are capable and you are loved).
The truth is not for everyone. However it is for you, it's your lived experience and makes you an expert in your own life. Even now some of my experiences that I have touched upon within this blog, had me questioning myself; Should I share this? Who needs to hear this? Will this help someone? The truth is I actually do not have the answer... But you my universe friends, you have the answer within you!
The growth and healing I experienced back then came from my inner-standing, that I needed help. Then I had to find the courage to seek "said" help from the correct sources. This came with time and effort, I wanted to get myself a coach, but I didn't have a clue where to start! So imagine my delight when I won a Clarity Session with a coach that I met at a personal development event. Our first session was literally our only session, but it was exactly what I needed to push start my True-Self Discovery Journey and begin the task of standing in my power. The standing in my power, means to take back bit by bit and piece by piece, the parts of my self that I knowingly and unknowingly gave away to others. We have all experienced this within life, yet most of us only come to the realisation of this when we embark on a healing journey.
So as we come to a close in part 2 of How I moved from a Life on pause to a True-Self Discovery, I would like to share one final point; Every single person we come into contact with has a story that is unique and individual to them, and while we can share stories, share empathy and listen (or read) with compassion it never really allows for true experiences...
What it can do is open up the opportunities to learn, grow, and evolve as a human being. Sharing experiences like I have within this blog can be the difference between someone suffering in silence and someone finding the strength to move forward.
I heard one of the best quotes of my life from 50Cent in his book "Hustle Harder Hustle Smarter" he mentions the need to leave some people behind, (Constructing Your Crew) or that you have to form a certain work ethic or break down habits in pursuit of purpose (Knowing Your Value). One gem stood out, he said "there is no light at the end of the tunnel, you are the light in the tunnel" and it was then that, I recognised how I got through the darkness. It was by allowing my light to shine and following my own aligned path.
Remember no matter how the light shines it will always cast a shadow that you need to work with and its your responsibility to do the work, no matter how much support you receive. The onus is always on the individual self to find their path and build the foundation of healing. For me this was how I was able to rebirth my True-Self and this is something that you are also capable of doing if you chose to embark on a True-Self Discovery Journey.
Hints and Tips:
Take it one day at a time- (flow and flourish)
Surround yourself with OQP (only quality people)
Create a vision board- (greatness takes time)
Make S.M.A.R.T goals- (create a plan)
Reward yourself- (celebrate the victories)
Believe in yourself- (repeat I CAN DO THIS)
Acknowledge your progress- (slow progress is still progress)
Visualize accomplishing your goals- (envision your end goal)
Do not compare yourself with others (it's you vs you)
Universe Friends, thank you for your time, thank you engaging, and more importantly thank you for being You.
DearNadine
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